I reached for the secret too late
Spent decades peering out the gate
Till the sunlight rusted
And the prize over-ripened and caved in
Now nothing’s real except what’s in the mind
I’ve grown hunched and miserly with my time
And lost belief in the necessity
Or effectiveness of speech
If you’re someone who knows this place
Then I cannot seek you
Because you’re long beyond the being sought
A part of me still lives in that rich wet dirt
Or wearing flannel in a rural basement
Singing, “welcome to the machine”
I’m finally looking like myself to myself again
But they’re not impressed
They know I scraped up the dregs
And made a sculpture approximating beauty
Maybe I'm better than ever
But still growing transparent
Is it the tattle-tale flatness of my cheeks
Or simply that I’ve been seen around here for years
And I can’t figure out where to go next
Feel like I’m harboring a Faberge
No one gives a damn about
But it can go nowhere
It can stay inside a box I hold
And be legitimate
And have taught me things
And allow me to understand
What an artist on the TV is saying
Even the One I have now chosen
Questions the fruit of my impulse
He who has the same impulse
And similarly does not value his own
What gives one’s words authority
What gives one’s art authority
I’m bashing my head on this
I’m whipping myself over this
My pipe is stopped because of this
There’s silence in my mouth
As from the mouth of the artist on TV
Arcs a skein of whitest birds
credits
from Best Dead Masterpiece,
released February 12, 2021
Lyrics and Music by L. Alexandra Manuel
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